A guilt of mediocrity

I feel guilty once in a while after realizing that I set aside my gift of writing.  I know God has given me, aside from the gift of the gab, the gift of putting words together through writing.  My lack of time, mostly due to procrastination prevents me to write frequently and sharpen this gift.  Oftentimes in the morning, I can feel an impulse to write.  New ideas would pop out my mind which are supposed to be written down generously.  

It is sad when we dwell on mediocrity instead of sharpening our saw and aim to be above par.  I am sad because I am guilty - guilty of mediocrity.  Many times had I scolded myself for being lazy to write despite the urge, despite having that feeling of self-reproach after the wanting to write.   I cannot imagine a life without words, without stories and histories to read. I am afraid to lose it yet I don't embrace it tightly and use it generously.  I wonder what can push me to always write - to jot down my interests and say more about it and write a story about it.  I envy those who can easily write about their usual day and practice their gift of writing.  My time-wasting made me a mediocre writer - a great sin to myself is allowing myself to become one - may God forgive.